Letter to the Commander at dusk
Commander, the mounts you requested have been reaped from the plains, and riders, they’ve taken their names from the dowsing hat you gave to us. Bonded, they are now like wind, ready for the message you seeded in them.
Our thanks abound for the draftsman planner given to lay our map upon the encampment, saying where the rivers run and the hills swell above first sight. The sky you imagined is a perfect azure blue, making easy contemplation of the book.
I confide in you, certain doubts about the buttons, learning to uncover quiet voices like you always said would be our companion in this time of peaches turning their faces ripe and sweet. Honestly, you’ve become better song in my listening ear.
Like you said, the words are light. Like you said, we are the words.
More to be drawn upon the dawn. We ride!
neil reid © october 2012
comments:
I used to have a clever answer to the riddle, what’ya write when you have nothing to say? This ain’t so clever, but more immediately honest anyway. And right now, if I didn’t write this, I wouldn’t write anything at all.
It kind of responds to two different prompts: write a letter poem and write from another identity. It’s both symbolic, yet more specifically real than might first be imagined. Although the writer’s identity is unspoken here. You can fill that in if you wish, at least to a few faces I think.
Are symbols real? Within the reality here, yes.
And everything I write these days, they’re all drafts, not yet home.
Enough.
Written for the We Write Poems prompt #126, write a persona poem and prompt #124, write an epistle, or letter, poem.
Read the prompts for more detail if you wish.
bearly audible 
This has the feel of a piece from a Patrick O’Brien book, though I’m floundering somewhat in the symbolism. It is amazing that you wrote this when you have “nothing to say”!
Thank you Viv. Your reading circles surmount mine I think, unfamiliar with O’Brien till I looked. Don’t worry the symbols much; symbols are just symbols. It’s the emotional tones, where the poem goes.
Maybe it’s better when I’m being less clever?
But thank you sincerely for the appreciation. Much.
Neil, this has the feel and sound of a quiet prayer or contemplation. A grateful heart that is beginning to understand some of the deeper truths it has learned through being observant. I do agree with Viv, if this is what happens when you have nothing to say, perhaps you should consider becoming a monk? This is simply beautiful,
Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/
Thank you Elizabeth, very much. Your sense is pretty accurate. Maybe a “desperate” prayer or contemplation is all I’d add. That was not an easy or happy week for me – maybe that made me less poetic and more honest.
And it was a persona stance, more good hearted than I was feeling then, so I let the voice of the poem speak better than me. But then I think negative thoughts (depressive) are lies, even when they seem so true from the inside of them. So yea, beneath the body of a poem, yes you’re right, it was a prayer.
‘Where the hills swell above sight’ – what a gorgeous image. So many lush images. I get that poems seem to be in a draft form. A poem never seems to sit quite still? Always a wiggle? Always a thin, thin breath? As I read these words I wondered what might occur with different line breaks? In some ways it almost feel too much like a letter for me. I always enjoy your words. Take care.
Thank you.
Real truth is more ripe than our thoughts imagine, thus that phrase.
Line breaks? Here’s the simple direct answer. For having nothing to say, much less a poem to write – I was grateful for anything! Literally. And I didn’t fuss about details. And yea, written as a “letter”, that allowed me to worry less about that sort of thing. (and I’ve nothing at all opposed to prose poems) But most honestly, if I didn’t write just what I did, I wouldn’t have written anything at all. This was about a 5 or 10 minute poem, near unedited. Then I just let it go.
Great snippet, Neil…your prose has the feeling of being an actual novel…well written, indeed..
I enjoy the paragraph that begins with, “I confide in you,” I felt a change in tone there that was subtle…I liked that.
Enjoyable!!
Thanks Hannah. Yes yes, Not such an easy week for me that one. Then what to write? I felt empty for words. So the persona aspect I used to express what might be the mirror image of my feelings. Yet not to be all dismissive, needed to acknowledge (more than) some measure of doubt, even if the persona here was handling doubt better than me. So yes, in the poem that was the turning point, a small slightly different window, a touch more directly personal and intimate.
Smart man I knew said, “faith INCLUDES doubt”. Sometimes I feel that like from beneath the tires of a Mac truck, sometimes for the liberating statement it really is. Thanks.
`you’ve become a better song in my listening ear’ – I keep repeating this line, and finding different meanings in it.
Thanks. (and suppose I’m stalling before doing next what I’m supposed to do, however… )
Well, here’s some keys. That week wasn’t such a good (read “easy” week for me; not an optimistic attitude), so what to do? (and I don’t like writing from that stance) So, I used the persona of a person near to “battle”, while not directly said, using the tone that might have military notes, although I never purposely crossed that line. A letter with hopeful gratitude, even if some uncertain future – that being NOT my attitude of the moment (thus the usefulness of the persona).
And the “commander”, well I’ll still let you fill in that undefined space.
But the poem’s stance is indeed hopeful, even in my real feeling of not knowing what to write. Because? Because life is generous (if firm) in imparting lessons to learn, and that faith is more honest than doubt or depressive thought even (and especially even) when things seem not that better way. Truth is funny that way! That stance, and it is an observational thing, is a better song if you get my drift.
And you sense is perfectly accurate. It was a “five finger” week, with threads reaching in so many directions all at once – so yes, it should read exactly that way (if I wrote it honestly).
Thanks for reading, and noticing!
Your welcome. Feel your drift!