far and white
I paint your face in
the mountains I see so far
distant and west, bright
white, ragged stone silhouette
like you are now, from my side.
neil reid © june 2012
comments:
Write a “tanka poem” (here in the 5-7-5-7-7 form) says the prompt. Rules, rules, and what am I doing counting syllables? About the last thing I’d expected to write, but oh, for the desire to participate! But surely, feel safe, that you’ll never see me do an attempt at deliberate rhyme. Counting fingers and toes is as far and fallow as I go. And a “tanka” this is or is not – so many variations of the rules I found, what’s the bench?
But thank you Hannah Gosselin for leading me this far astray!
Written for the We Write Poems prompt #112, Tanka you!.
This is incredibly lovely, Neil. I love the opening line right down to the finish. Descriptive images. I feel sadness and peace in this.
Sometimes a practice of brevity that forces us to zero in on each word we’re using can help when we go back to larger pieces to look at the efficacy of each portion of the whole…just thinking out loud…Your piece really brings a distinct image and feeling…a saying without saying. Well done on this tanka, Neil!! Thanks for the opportunity to share a prompt idea!
Neil, dear… wish I could be as profound as Hannah in her well thought out reply to your tanka. You’ll just have to settle for how heartstrings were played by each line as it built to the final “from my side.”
It’s lovely, Neil, and maybe you’ll stray this way again. More to play with!
nice one Neil….thanks for sharing
I think you did quite well. Like seeing forms in clouds. A friend did a painting and I saw faces in the walls…that she didn’t purposefully put there. I would like to think that sometimes mountains are sleeping giants…Your last line has me hoping you get your reunion sooner than later.
My celebratory tanka is here:
http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/07/wwp-112-tanka-july-4.html